A Mentor Like Mine

mentors sometimes come to us individually only once in a blue moon. not just authority figures, but people that we learn from, that we bond with, that help us grow into the people we either never thought we could be, or that we always wanted to become..these people have an innate ability to sense potential and push us to act on it to blossom into the best versions of ourselves. these people take chances on you when no one else will. they trust their intuition, and their show you love through their belief in you.

exactly 1 year ago i had an interview with my current mentor for the job of my dreams. a few weeks later he called me right as i was getting on the boltbus back from nyc to head home, and he said, “get ready and embrace the ride you’re about to go on.” i remember not knowing what to say because as bad as i wanted it, i knew who i was competing against and thought i had no real chance of getting the job. the fact that i’ve worked since i was 9 years old, got good grades in school, was an athlete and creative person — (all the things that nova kids cry and sweat over all their adolescent lives) — didn’t really mean much in the scheme of things. my mentor said he hired me for one reason: my potential.

over the past year, i’ve had plenty of room to make mistakes, but my mentor has given me even more room to grow. i’ve gotten to travel to remote areas of the world, meet snazzy ceo’s and figureheads of major foundations and corporations, and i’ve been given the opportunity to exercise my own hidden talents through photography and videography. I feel more like me because my mentor saw possibility all along.

today, my mentor stepped down from his position as my boss, and he is moving back to philly full time to be closer to his wife and kids. it would be selfish of me to not wish him all the best and good luck, but i can’t help but think over and over again: i wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for him. it really is a tough loss when you have to let go of an organic bond with a person that has proved to be stronger than most of your adolescent friendships. it sucks..but our COO reminded me today to cherish the opportunity that has been granted to me, and the opportunities that are to soon follow…since i will now have bigger, more senior shoes to fill.

(sigh) a lot of emotions — happy and sad. just wish everyone could have a mentor like mine at some point in their life.

All I Am

“What if
all I am
is the broken song
on a broken record
held gently
in the broken hands
of a broken man?
What if despite all that,
I was still
the song
that made you
smile?”

#TylerKnott / #ArtByShea

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“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.”

Morning Affirmation

Faith grows in small places. In cracks of concrete in danger of being trampled by people rushing on to their next meeting. It’s tempting to designate the area off limits, sacred ground, stop the world and demand wonder. Doesn’t work that way. You have to just keep throwing out seeds. Some grow. Most won’t. Such is the nature of small things.

You can’t control the outcome, only your choices. Do what you, as much as you can, whenever you can. Leave the rest to fate, to faith, to the way of nature. Let go of the results. There’s honor in fighting a losing battle for the right reasons.

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My Memory of You

The memories we have of the people around us…

Do you think they are real?
Could they live forever?
Were the details that gave life to our thoughts at one point in time simply fabricated illusions that we have consciously chosen to remember one way instead of another?
Is it possible that we have we forgotten certain details that made us have second thoughts and remember one another in the first place?  
Have the people within our minds just changed?
Or could it be that the people we never stopped thinking about never really existed because we didn’t take the time to see them for who they were instead of who we wanted them to be?

On the surface, I remember the ora that that surrounded your 6’7″ frame, that eclipsed your shadow and brought light to all of those around you. For a handsome blue-haired, blonde-eyed athlete, your humility and yearning to share words with pretty much everyone was beyond refreshing. You never took yourself too seriously, and your laughter was contagious. Above all, I can’t remember a time that I didn’t see a smile across your face..

6 years later…as I travel alone at half past midnight in this business class train car from our getaway weekend back to our hometown, I can’t help but feel guilty for not asking you more questions when we were kids, for not being there to look out for the person that looked out for everyone else..It makes me wish that I could go back in time and talk to the 18 year old you and the 16 year old me..even if only for a moment.. just so I could tell you that I care, and we both deserve to exercise and exceed our potential in life..

Despite the obstacles that you have encountered (some of which you’ve explained this past weekend, others I may never know), today, your light persists and you continue to surprise me. I haven’t smiled or laughed so hard in years…maybe ever. Your spontaneity is truthfully the furthest thing from conducive to my personal lifestyle; and yet, I find that your nimble nature brings me balance that I have been searching for high and low. Words cannot explain how thankful I am to hear someone aggressively tell me to put my phones away and stop working; to relax and enjoy living in the moments that make feel alive. The maze you take my mind through makes my heart want to be vulnerable..and open to the genuine warmth that you bring — inside and out. Your love for life is simply inspiring, I guess I just wish you were (figuratively) around to enjoy it more..

I’ll admit..I have always thought my thoughts were naturally lucid, but I’ve never felt anything like tripping before in my life. I know you were worried about me making a judgment, but I just wanted to get closer to you..I thought it would give me clarity into life behind your eyes. I suppose it did; the higher I got to you, the higher you got to your dad. When I asked you what you would say to him if you had one more chance, I almost cried when you said, “Come home.” Hell. I’ve almost cried several times just thinking about this over and over again since that night.

It makes me nervous to sit here and think about what I would say if you were to ask me what is going through my head. But it makes me more anxious to think about where you will be 5 years from now…You promised we’d travel the world together, but I fear that one day I’ll get a phone call…or I won’t hear anything at all. It also pains me to think that you are so able to balance me, and I can’t do the same for you.

I pray that the day your past meets your present, you are able to keep smiling and appreciating the life that you lead. I promise I will be here for you, even if we just sit in silence.

Please keep smiling so I can always remember you.

 

Be Happy For No Reason

“When you’re happy for no reason, you bring happiness to your outer experiences rather than trying to extract happiness from them. You don’t need to manipulate the world around you to try to make yourself happy. You live from happiness, rather than for happiness.”

– Marci Shimoff

To love, and be loved.

“I’m not the silly romantic you think. I don’t want the heavens or the shooting stars. I don’t want gemstones or gold. I have those things already. I want…a steady hand. A kind soul. I want to fall asleep, and wake, knowing my heart is safe. I want to love, and be loved.”

— Shana Abé

Emit Your Own Frequency

Sin: Lost in Translation

“Sin is a word that has been greatly misunderstood and misinterpreted. Literally translated from the ancient Greek in which the New Testament was written, to sin means to miss the mark, as an archer who misses the target, so to sin means to miss the point of human existence. It means to live unskillfully, blindly, and thus to suffer and cause suffering. Again, the term, stripped of its cultural baggage and misinterpretations, points to the dysfunction inherent in the human condition.”

–Eckhart Tolle (A New Earth)

The Best Day of Your Life